All By Myself

 I've lived by myself for quite a few years now, and I've learned a lot.  Not just about myself but about the people in my life, my kids, and the world in general.

First, I'm lazy.  Granted, if you know me at all in real life, then you know that's not exactly news.  I've been lazy my whole life.  No surprises, there, right?  But I didn't realize just HOW lazy I am!  It's amazing what you can live with when there's no one to hold you accountable.

Second, every single person in the world has their own crap they're dealing with.  Again, no surprise, but I don't think we really take into account how much we allow our personal baggage to influence how we interact with other people.  If you're in a bad mood, do you lash out at others just for existing?  When you're in a good mood, do you ignore the signs if someone else is having a devastating day?  Do you even listen when someone else is talking?  Or do you just rattle on with your own thing as soon as there's a lull in the conversation?

Third, I really need someone to push me a bit when it comes to things like sabbats and ritual.  Fortunately, I have some really good friends and a great community that makes requests of me on a regular basis.  I firmly believe we never stop learning and growing, and if I ever reach a point in my life where I don't think I need to be taught anything anymore, I need someone to knock me down a peg or two!

As far as my kids are concerned - well, when I had my first one, I was completely unprepared for motherhood.  I was scared to death, but I was willing to try and learn for this tiny little life that was handed to me.  By the time I had my second son, I had a better idea of what I was doing, but I knew I was far from perfect.  I tried my hardest, though, and I managed to raise them both to adulthood without being too badly mangled (well, for the most part).  They grew up, they moved out to have their own lives, and man, do I miss them.  Like any parent, I miss the little version of them, of course, but I also miss the adult version.  Not that I'm biased or anything, but I happen to think they're a couple of really amazing people.  And since I live alone now, I have a lot of time to think about that.

I've seen several studies as of late that say being alone all the time isn't good for us as a species.  I get that.  But I also think it's good to learn how to be alone, because we won't always have someone there for us, especially in the more difficult times of our lives.  If we're lucky, there will always be someone we can reach out to, be it friends, family, or a well-trusted professional (don't knock it!).  But try spending some time by yourself.  I know the voices in our heads can be savage, but we can learn to speak from a place of love, and it is vitally important that we learn to speak to ourselves from that same place of love.  And I believe you can do it.

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