Is It Time?

 Does there come a point in our lives as Pagan Elders that we should remove ourselves from teaching and/or leading?

I’ve been a part of the Pagan community for many years.  I’ve taught, led public groups and private covens, been a face and a voice (and a target), organized events, done all the things that are expected of someone who calls themselves “clergy.”  More than once, I’ve questioned whether or not I’ve worn out my welcome, as it were.

I’ve tried to step down before.  I know there are plenty of smart, capable people in my local community, and I know my absence wouldn’t cause any problems.  I’m sure many would welcome my absence!  But with every attempt to return to a private life, someone asks me to come out again, to help organize an event, teach a class, speak to a group.  I appreciate that some folks out there want my input with projects.  However….

I’m tired.  I’ve spent most of my life as a public figure in the Pagan community, which has had it’s ups and downs, joys and disasters, but it is exhausting.  There are a lot of goals and ideas that I’ve put on hold because of the time and energy that I’ve put into my work for the community.  I’m proud of what I’ve been able to accomplish in the past 30 some-odd years, and I’m happy to see some of my events still going on today.

Has it been worth it?  Absolutely. I do worry about bad effects on my family and my own mental and physical health, but when I stepped in to do the work, it was desperately needed.  I knew that if I didn’t do SOMEthing, my own children might have ended up being bullied and tormented like my brother and I were, and I knew for a fact that would be detrimental.

But now I find myself at a crossroads.  Like I said, I’m tired.  I know I’m not putting as much energy towards projects, and sometimes I feel like people want to take advantage of that, use it as an excuse to push me out and shut me down.  And I honestly just don’t have the energy to fight it anymore.  One thing I’ve always said I didn’t want, and that’s any kind of a power struggle.  If someone needs to be in charge and get all the accolades that badly, then by all means, let me get out of your way.  I’m gonna go take a nap.